By The Fire: Recovering from Failure
Finding Healing, Growth, and Purpose in the Places We Fell
I sometimes feel as though I have failed many tests in life. These are rarely dramatic, life-changing moments that others notice. More often, they are the secret but shameful moments when I waver, lose focus, give in to fear, or fall short of who I want to be. Yet I find myself returning to the fire. Perhaps that is because it is not merely a place of testing, it is also a place of refining.
Instead of spending our lives trying to avoid it, we are invited to move closer, trusting God to do His complete work within us.
I know I need God's refining and restoration in my own life. The good news is that Jesus does not leave us in our failures. He meets us there, restores what is broken, and calls us forward with fresh purpose.
"....so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire." (1 Peter 1: 6-7)
Beside the Fire
In the original Greek text of the New Testament, the word used for "charcoal fire" is anthrakia. This is an incredibly rare word, appearing only twice in the entire New Testament, both times in the Gospel of John:
The Scene of the Betrayal
"Now the servants and officers had made a charcoal fire [anthrakia], because it was cold, and they were standing and warming themselves. Peter also was with them, standing and warming himself." (John 18:18)
This is where Peter denies Jesus three times.
The Scene of the Restoration
"When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire [anthrakia] in place, with fish laid out on it, and bread." (John 21:9)
Some fires test us. Others transform us. What if the fire you fear is actually the place where God intends to heal, restore, and recommission you?
The charcoal fire is not merely random background scenery; it is a deliberate, spiritually restorative setup.
By using this specific, unique word, John creates a direct restorative bridge between Peter's greatest failure and his moment of restoration.
Healing Precedes Positioning
Jesus didn't avoid Peter's trauma; He deliberately recreated its environment. Why? Because his unexpressed grief and unexamined shame needed healing first.
Consider how human memory works, especially concerning trauma. The sense of smell is more closely linked to memory than any other sense.
Last week, the aroma of a particular mosquito repellent transported me 26 years back to the streets of Chenai, India. It is amazing how the brain connects and replay bypassing logical thought and rationale.
When Peter walked up the beach that morning, he didn't just see Jesus; he would have smelled the charcoal smoke.
This scent was a flashback replay to the worst night of his life—the High Priest's courtyard, the cool night air, the servant girl's mocking questions, and the sound of the rooster crowing.
Jesus brought Peter back to the scene of his wounding, not to magnify his guilt, but to show him that the memory of that fire no longer had the power to define him.
The Fires of Refining and Restoration
Fire is associated with testing, removing, and refining.
The Courtyard Fire: Testing and Failure
The first fire, in John 18, was a fire of self-preservation. Peter stood there, trying to stay warm, blending in beside the enemies of Jesus to protect himself.
The intensity of the moment exposed his impurity. He thought he was made of
iron, but the fire and tension of that night proved he was still full of dross.
"Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”
Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!"
(John 13: 37-38)
In metal refining, dross refers to solid impurities that float to the surface of molten metal and are then skimmed off during the refining process. Peter's fear, pride, and self-reliance quickly rose to the surface. We easily focus on his failure, but it was a necessary step to filter and remove what was hindering the value beneath.
The Beach Fire: Purification and Recommissioning
The second fire, in John 21, was a fire for cooking. Jesus prepared a fire of hospitality, provision, and intimacy. As the disciples came ashore, breakfast and a retest were waiting.
By this fire Jesus specifically asks Peter three times, "Do you love me?"
These three questions match Peter's three denials.
This is where the refining process is completed:
"The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” (John 21: 17)
We should not rush past Peter's pain. Jesus did not avoid or sidestep what was holding Peter from his calling.
He allowed Peter to feel the weight of those questions. The word hurt speaks of distress, grief, and deep emotional pain. Jesus was not reopening the wound to shame Peter; He was exposing it so that it could finally heal.
Just as a refiner allows intense heat to bring impurities to the surface, Jesus gently brought Peter face-to-face with the very place of his failure. There could be no restoration without honesty, and no healing without confronting the hurt.
Dismantled Pride: Peter no longer boasts that he loves Jesus more than the other disciples. He drops the bravado. The fire of shame has burned away his arrogance.
Purified Motive: By the end of the conversation, Peter is grieved, but he is transparent: "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you."
The fire of restoration is often uncomfortable because it reveals what we would rather hide. Yet Jesus does not lead us into the fire to condemn us. He meets us there to restore us. Around a charcoal fire, Peter's denials were not merely remembered; they were redeemed. The disciple who had failed publicly was recommissioned publicly, and the wound that once defined him became the very place where God's grace and glory were displayed.
The Ultimate Transformation
Encountering Jesus at the anthrakia utterly transformed Peter.
Weeks later, on the Day of Pentecost, Peter would boldly preach the Gospel to thousands in Jerusalem; in the heart of the city where he had once cowered in fear and spiritual collapse.
Even later in his life, Peter wrote a letter to suffering Christians, and the imagery he chose is striking:
"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ."(1 Peter 1:6-7)
When Peter penned those words about faith being tested and refined by fire, he wasn't speaking theoretically. He was recalling the scent of charcoal, the grace of a Saviour cooking breakfast on a beach, and the profound truth that a failed test does not equate to a failed life.
I have read this story countless times, but only this week did I find myself looking closer at the significance of fire. I can smell the smoke of past failures—memories where my careless words wounded, or I missed opportunities paralyzed by fear instead of moving forward in faith.
Peter's refining experience reveals that our failures are real, but they are not the final word. There is still an invitation beside the fire: to be refined, to be healed, to receive restoration, and to allow regrets and mistakes to be repurposed. The refining of genuine faith doesn't avoid grief or trial; instead, it draws us closer to the flame's intensity, light, and heat for deeper revelation, which results in greater praise and glory (for HIM only!!!!)
Refining Reflection Questions
1: Facing the Smoke of the Past
What is your "charcoal fire"? Is there a specific memory, a past failure, or a season of regret that instantly triggers feelings of shame or inadequacy when it comes to mind?
Peter tried to blend into the crowd at the first fire to protect himself. In what ways do you find yourself hiding, wearing a mask, or pulling back from God and others out of fear or self-preservation?
2: Embracing the Refiner’s Fire
We often view our failures as a permanent stain, but God views them as an opportunity for refinement. Looking back at a difficult moment or a mistake in your past, can you see anywhere that "dross" (like pride, self-reliance, or false security) was burned away to make room for deeper spiritual maturity?
Jesus met Peter at his point of failure with a warm meal and a safe space, rather than a lecture. How easy or difficult is it for you to believe that God’s posture toward your deepest regret is one of hospitable grace rather than angry condemnation?
3: Stepping Into the Commission
Jesus asked Peter, "Do you love me?" three times—overwriting his three denials. If Jesus were sitting across from you at the fire today, asking you that same question, what does your honest, unfiltered answer sound like?
Peter’s restoration ended with a call to action: "Feed my sheep." How might God want to use the very area where you have felt the most broken or tested to minister to, comfort, or lead others who are walking through their own dark nights?
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