Walking Towards Fear: How to disarm what holds you back!

I started a new part-time sideline job a few weeks ago not only because of the need for extra income but also because I needed to intentionally and strategically tackle a few inner blockages.

Seeing the Truth

I have lived in Asia for two decades and have gradually become more aware of a subtle response that has eroded my value system and quietly challenged my confidence from the inside out.

Years of responding to comments, judgments, racial assumptions, sterotypes, and seemingly harmless jokes with sexual undertones are something I need to confront head-on. Not only for my personal recovery and recompense but for my sons and daughters, who have to navigate an overstimulated and hypersexualized culture. It is not empowering to teach them how to 'survive," because we are just perpetuating and tolerating the broken cycles and systems that are labeled as normal. I need to thrash the jungle overgrowth and carve a way forward for them to thrive so they can live and love fully as they are designed and intended to.

I admit I just conformed and became unknowingly mishapen by my lack of sight, a few misaligned choices to shrug it off, and a failure to engage with what I know is right!

Making a Choice

To do this, I must walk towards the towering giants that have intimidated and devalued my existence, my voice, my growth, and my purpose. This is my sword to rewrite the script. A mother who wants a different storyline.

I cannot ask this upcoming generation to forge a way out of what we have built around them and expect them to somehow flourish when we as parents are also crumbling in the confusion and pressure. We wonder how to help them stand with our own weak knees folding and seemingly unanswered prayers for breakthrough and transformation.

Walking right into the fears and wounds I have carried is an intentional directional and battle choice to disarm and reset the territory boundaries I have unknowingly accepted. To extend the lines and lean into the dysfunction does not remove what has been, but it redefines what I will allow in the spaces I occupy.

It does not remove the fear but it does ensure that I press through it so it can no longer barricade and hinder.

Taking Action to Move Out of the Holding Pattern

It requires hard but life-generating conversations. It is forcing an advance into areas previously occupied by anxiety, withdrawal, or avoidance. I do not want to be imprisoned another minute longer by a destructive slow death agenda that intends to restrict, constrict, and withhold the fullness of life.

It is not even courage or offense that drives me forward, but a deep gut desire for our children's sake.

The part-time job is just the avenue to face some of these demons eyeball to eyeball, sound for sound, voice to voice. This is how they dissolve. No more igmoring or turning away.

If I do not change my stance then I cannot speak hope or life over my children without a visible action that demonstrates that there is another way. My feet must walk it out whatever the terrain may be.

Feet ready to step towards fear

"For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the good news so that you will be fully prepared." Ephesians 6:15 

My shoes are on and I have to be prepared and willing to keep walking on this messy pioneering trail. No holding back, no reservations; for our future depends on the choices we make today.

I won't ignore the distorted and twisted ugliness of its direction or the ruins on either side. I will have the painful conversations and answer the desperate questions honestly, without pretending I have any solutions. I will point my life and heart to the only one who does and take another step out of the comfort zone, beyond the fear.

Perhaps some more will follow where we dare to tread.

"You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!" Psalm 91:13